I want to tell you something that maybe you have never heard before. Yesterday was a beautiful sunny day, one that usually will make you feel good. But when I left my house I didn’t see the sun. I knew that I was headed for my personal hell and that I must survive.
Yesterday I went to work at the discreet apartment in Rishon Lezion. It is a prison. All the women have to sit together. The clients come one after the other, each one more disgusting than the one before. Ugly and smelly. The sort of person you would never dream of being friends with. I have no choice, if I refuse to take in one or another, I will be left penniless. I felt like garbage, like a bitch. I sat in the corner waiting for my turn to take in a client. But I have to get through this night. The other women fight for their turn, they all need the money. Junkies needing their hit and starving as if tomorrow is their last day on earth. The clients will try and get as much out of you with as little money as possible. They make you feel that you are a whore, daughter of a whore. They fuck and go and it is hell.
I can’t survive another day of this. They hide the condoms in all sorts of places because the apartment advertises erotic massages. You get your condoms before each client and they make sure to dispose of it so that if there is a police crack down there will be no evidence of sex. Each time I go there I don’t know if I will get back home alive. I might get into a fight with a client and he will murder me, he might rob me or rape me. This has been my reality for the past ten years. How am I expected to live my life, how am I expected to feel or plan a life for myself if I live inside a dead body.
You can’t live this life without drugs. Of course, if you want to exit you need rehab. You fall and you get up. But you need rehab. And this is the daily life of a whore untill she gives up, succumbs to the pain and commits suicide. Because you can’t live inside a dead body. If there was a special rehab just for us, I would go there instead of going to the apartment. But in Israel there is only one place and it is crammed full of women wanting to exit. You are on your own. If you have protection maybe you can get into a better place but if not, you fall like everyone else. I wish the day will come when I can stand up healthy and strong, I will tell every girl I meet not to repeat my mistake. It’s a slippery slope, like heroin. I wish there would be more awareness to our situation, and not only when a prostitute commits suicide. I wish the country, the institutions and the clients would understand our pain and suffering and that none of us dreamt of being a prostitute when we grew up. I dream of the day that all the clients and abusers would disappear. Thank you, your support has strengthened me. I wish for the day that I will be able to change my life. I wish I could get up and go. I wish that apartment would burn to the ground.
